Don’t Be Afraid to Disappoint People Who Never Knew the Real You Anyway

---

When they say ‘you’ve changed,’ remember: they’re mourning the version of you that made them comfortable, not celebrating the woman God created you to be.

This is what freedom looks like when you stop performing for people who never knew the real you anyway. Your authentic smile is worth disappointing the wrong people. Stop shrinking yourself to make others comfortable. The right people will love you exactly as you are.

Don’t be afraid to disappoint people who never knew the real you anyway.

“You’ve changed.”

“You’re not the same person anymore.”

“Why can’t you have fun anymore?”

After my rock-bottom moment in August 2022, I heard these words constantly. And for a long time, they cut deep. Really deep. Because it felt like people were telling me I wasn’t a good person anymore.

But here’s what I finally realized: They weren’t mourning who I was becoming. They were mourning the version of me that served their needs.

When I finally chose ME - when I decided to step into my authentic self instead of performing for everyone else’s comfort - I had to take a hard look at the people, places, and things I was surrounding myself with.

I went into isolation. Not because I wanted to be alone, but because I needed to figure out who I actually was underneath all the masks I’d been wearing.

This meant pulling away from people I’d spent years - sometimes my whole life - building friendships with. It meant having hard conversations. It meant disappointing people who expected me to stay the same.

It even took a toll on my marriage for a while.

People saw me changing, and they told me so. Repeatedly. With judgment in their voices and disappointment in their eyes.

At first, I took it personally. I thought maybe they were right - maybe I was becoming a bad person. Maybe I was being too harsh, too different, too much.

But as I continued pushing forward, something became crystal clear: What they really meant was “You’re not like US anymore.”

And they were absolutely right. I wasn’t.

I was still loving. Still caring. Still fun. But in a completely different way from how they’d come to know and expect me to be.

I was no longer the woman who would drink too much at every gathering.
I was no longer the friend who would gossip and complain.
I was no longer the people-pleaser who would say yes to everything.
I was no longer the perfectionist trying to earn everyone’s approval.

Over the next two years, friendships fizzled out. I stopped going to certain places. I distanced myself from acquaintances who only knew the performing version of me. I stopped doing things that no longer aligned with who I was becoming.

I formed new habits: reading, journaling, studying personal development and growth mindset materials.

I took new actions: getting saved and surrendering my life to Christ.

I developed new language that reflected my values.

I became closer with the friends who were like-minded and had similar goals.

I found new friends who loved the authentic me.

I started going to new places like church.

I worked through the changes happening in my marriage and household as everyone felt the shift in who I was becoming.

It all seemed to happen so fast, but it was actually a careful, intentional process over two years.

The hardest part? Staying the course when people, places, and things were constantly being presented to me, trying to pull me back to who I used to be. I knew this was spiritual warfare - the enemy doing his work to pull me away from living a Christ-centered life.

The words and opinions of others were the most challenging part. I had to pray through it constantly, reminding myself that I was doing the right thing despite what anyone said.

I had to mourn. Mourn the loss of friendships. Mourn places I used to go. Mourn activities I used to enjoy. Mourn the old version of myself.

For a while, I even questioned if I would ever want parts of that old lifestyle again. But deep down, I knew that wasn’t what I wanted. And if I went back, I would completely fall back into all my old ways.

This is why I’ve clung to my faith so tightly. I know the closer I get to fulfilling the purpose and calling God has for my life, the stronger the attacks will become, trying to pull me away or stop me from seeing His provision.

Here’s what I learned: The people who were disappointed in my transformation never actually knew the real me anyway. They knew the performing me. The people-pleasing me. The perfectionist me who would bend over backwards to keep everyone comfortable.

They didn’t know the woman God created me to be.

So why was I so afraid of disappointing them?

The real me - the authentic, faith-filled, purpose-driven me - was worth disappointing people who only loved the mask I used to wear.

If you’re in a season of transformation and people are telling you “you’ve changed,” maybe it’s time to ask: Do these people actually know the real you? Or are they just mourning the version of you that made them comfortable?

Don’t be afraid to disappoint people who never knew the real you anyway. The right people will celebrate who you’re becoming, not mourn who you used to be.