Everyone talks about how hard it is to set boundaries with other people. But here’s what no one tells you: The hardest boundary you’ll ever set isn’t with them. It’s with yourself. After my rock bottom moment, I didn’t quit drinking immediately. For nearly two years, I kept breaking my own boundaries because I hadn’t truly set them with myself first. Every time peer pressure or situational pressure came, I’d cave easily because the boundary wasn’t really mine - it was just something I was trying to do. But when I finally made the internal decision during 75 Hard, everything changed. ‘I can’t drink’ became ‘I don’t drink.’ The boundary moved from external rule to internal identity. Here’s the truth: You can’t hold a boundary with others that you haven’t first established within yourself.

I don’t remember the exact moment it happened, but after I was saved, I started having ah-ha moments - realizing I had been acting on what I was hearing in the dark instead of what I was hearing in the light. For years, I allowed peer pressure, judgment, fear, and others’ expectations to dictate how I lived, struggling through a life that wasn’t meant for me. Then came the profound realization: This woman I was becoming wasn’t someone new - she was who I was created to be all along. I went from feeling like I was working on being a ‘new’ person to knowing I was simply stepping into who I always was. The peace that came with this truth was incredible - I wasn’t broken, I was just buried.

‘You’ve changed.’ ‘You’re not the same person anymore.’ After my rock-bottom moment, I heard these words constantly, and they cut deep. It felt like people were telling me I wasn’t a good person anymore. But here’s what I finally realized: They weren’t mourning who I was becoming. They were mourning the version of me that served their needs. The people-pleasing, perfectionist me who bent over backwards to keep everyone comfortable. They didn’t know the woman God created me to be - so why was I so afraid of disappointing them?

How many versions of yourself do you have? The one for your boss, your friends, your family, your clients? Are you exhausted from being a chameleon, shape-shifting to earn applause from people who were never meant to validate you? I spent 30 years performing - from 4th grade cool kids to banking clients to real estate agents - becoming whoever I thought they wanted me to be. Until I realized I was drowning out the only voice that actually mattered.