The Day My Capes Fell Off: How I Found My Identity Beyond Perfectionism
For a long time, I believed my worth came from my performance. But now I know it’s found in who I was created to be — my true identity in Christ.
Sometimes God speaks in sunsets. This heart-shaped cloud appeared above my cane field days before my capes fell off. I didn’t know it then, but God was painting His heart in the sky above my cane field, His love watching over me before I could even feel it.
The Illusion of “Having It All”
Picture this: 2022. I’m 34 years old, sitting in my brand-new custom home, watching the most incredible sunsets paint the sky every single night. Newly remarried, a successful mortgage advisor for 14 years, mother, living what everyone called “the dream.”
But here’s what nobody saw behind that perfect, Instagram-worthy life — I was completely lost.
I was drowning in perfectionism and people-pleasing, constantly shape-shifting into whoever I thought people wanted me to be that day. The voice in my head was relentless: “You’re not good enough. You don’t belong. You have to try harder.”
So, I drank. A lot. Not to relax or unwind like I told everyone — but to silence that voice. I wanted to feel worthy, confident, and loved, even if it was temporary. The compliments — “You’re so fun! You’re hilarious!” — filled a void that only grew deeper.
But what started as laughter always ended the same: slurring, stumbling, crying, raging… and then nothing. Complete blackout. I’d wake up with crushing migraines and unbearable shame, begging people not to tell me what I’d done.
The Breaking Point
August 19, 2022, started like any other day. I was productive at work — perfectionism was my specialty, after all. I met some friends afterward and promised myself I wouldn’t drink because I had to pick up my kids.
One margarita became two. Two became four.
Then I drove to get my children.
I called my husband on the way home. He knew immediately. My kids heard our conversation — they were scared, asking if I was okay to drive. Instead of comforting them like a mother should, I yelled.
When we got home, I went into a drunken rage — the first, only, and last time my children ever saw me like that. I said things no child should hear. Things I can never take back. Things they’ll never forget.
The next morning, hungover and broken, I had to listen to my husband recount everything because I couldn’t remember any of it.
That was the day every cape I’d ever worn — successful businesswoman, perfect wife, put-together mom — completely fell off.
When Every Cape Fell Off
Standing in front of my bathroom mirror, I took one long, hard look at myself and said:
“Enough is enough. This is not who you are. You are worthy of and capable of so much more. This stops here and now. I will no longer allow the lies of the enemy to define me.”
August 20, 2022 — that was my line in the sand. The moment my journey of transformation began.
Rediscovering Who God Created Me to Be
I dove into personal development and began rebuilding my life from the inside out. I woke up early to journal, pray, and meditate on Scripture. I set goals and took baby steps toward healing.
With every moment, I peeled back the layers to find who Pam really was — the woman beyond the capes I’d been wearing for so long.
I was no longer living for who the world told me to be but for who God created me to be. This was my true identity in Christ.
It wasn’t easy. Some days the enemy still whispered lies. Some days I rebuked them quickly; other days I let them overtake me. But I stayed in God’s Word. I kept praying, journaling, and surrounding myself with women who lifted me up and reminded me who I was becoming.
I had to let go of people, places, and things that no longer aligned with who God was shaping me to be. It felt like mourning — learning to live in the world but not of it, learning obedience to His calling even when it didn’t make sense, and finding peace with this version of myself I’d never taken time to know.
Letting Go of the Lies
Transformation required forgiveness, surrender, and faith. I had to let go of perfectionism, shame, and the belief that my value came from performance.
Through healing and faith, I finally understood that my worth isn’t defined by what I do but by who God says I am.
That little girl who once believed she had to earn love through achievement? She’s still here — but now she knows the truth: she was always worthy, always enough, always loved — not because of what she did, but because of whose she is.
Reflection for You
If something in your spirit is stirring as you read this, maybe it’s time to ask yourself:
What capes are you wearing that aren’t really you?
What would happen if you let them fall off and discovered who you were created to be underneath?
FAQ / Reflection
Q: How do I start finding my identity in Christ after feeling lost?
A: Begin by surrendering control, spending quiet time in prayer, journaling, and reading Scripture. Ask God to show you who He created you to be.
Q: What does “taking off the cape” mean?
A: It’s the decision to stop performing for approval and start embracing the woman God already designed you to be — confident, loved, and enough.
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